12 weeks to go

3 Aug

So last time I blogged I was 13 weeks pregnant, I’m now 27+1. It’s dragging. So slowly. 

With mvp it flew past but this time it’s like someone has pressed pause. It’s annoying.  I just want it to be October already. 

I’m due 1st November but am having an elective section end of October, keeping the actual date a secret.  I can’t wait.  I have mixed reactions when I tell people I’m having an elective section, some say I don’t blame you but the majority say,  don’t you fancy having a go at natural labour.

To answer this is say I have already had a bloody good go at natural labour. Mvp was 100 plus hours of contractions, 2 hours of pushing.  If that isn’t having a go I don’t know what it.  What I really want to say to people is fuck off,  this is my baby and my choice and I don’t need u judging me.

Pregnancy makes me an angry panda. More angry than normal.  I wanna tell people to shove their opinions up their fannies.  Mostly when I get the following comments

“God, 2 babies in 14 months that’s gonna be horrible ”
” wow your massive, are you sure it isn’t twins ”
” was it planned ”

I’m not sure why people seem to think just because you are pregnant it gives them free range to say whatever insulting thing pops into their tiny brain.  I remember it being the same last time. 

So if you know someone pregnant, or sit next to someone on a bus (this has happened to me) don’t feel that it’s necessary to say whatever brain fart is in your head. And don’t stroke people’s bellies. I don’t mind this at all (if I know) but I know lots of ladies don’t want anyone touching their stomachs.  If however I don’t know u and you go in for a belly rub I will either tell u to fuck off, grab ur boob or kick u in the cock!!!!

U have been warned. Right the small one is asleep so I’m off to watch desperate housewives.

Smell u later xx

Uh oh spagettios

26 Apr

So after my last post about how hard life with a newborn is we thought we would do it all again really soon.

I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant with number 2 which is insane, we are still getting our head around but are mega happy and excited.


This is new baby.  He or she was most unhelpful at the scan, as was mvp.  Not allowing the sonogropher to get all the measurements and stuff they need but all looked OK. Due date is the 1st of November, but will be earlier because I’ll be having an elective section this time. No fucking way am I trying for natural again.  I have had enough contractions to last me a lifetime thank u very much.

I feel like crap all the time with morning sickness, it’s different to with mvp, with her I didn’t feel sick I just vomited ten times a day. This time I am nauseated all day every day with the occasional vomit.  I’d pick more vomit over nausea every day if I could, it’s bloody horrible. We have had to buy a play pen I can just chuck mvp in while I puke or spin out cos she’s into everything at the moment.

I feel awful now so I’m off for a lie down while I have Ben at home. Smell u later xx


3 Apr

So mvp is nearly 7 months old.  It’s gone so fast. Everyone always tells you how fast it goes and you nod along and agree and think they r talking rubbish but fuck me, they weren’t lying. It’s kray kray. Ben laughs at me coz I look at photos of mvp as a newborn and I cry coz I can’t remember her being tiny.

She’s a fucking hippo baby. I look at newborns and think was she actually ever that small??? Obviously I know she was but it’s so strange how you forget which is why I’m so happy I have gone a bit crazy and printed off at least 13 million photos of her and filled 400 albums already in less than 7 months.

It’s been nearly that long since I last blogged, I thought I would have loads of time to blog and bake and make shit but nope. My days consist of trying to get mvp to nap and eat and have bottles and then the endless bouncing, I swear this child is part human part tigger. It’s ridiculous, she’s like a frog kangaroo jumping machine, and she loves to use your stomach, or bladder and a trampoline. 

So since my last post lots and lots has happened, mvp has gone from a 7lb newborn to a whopping 18lb (I’m guessing coz I hate baby group so don’t take her to get weighed).  Me and Ben have learnt how to survive on very little sleep, coz along with jumping, she also shouts constantly and also doesn’t sleep. She says fuck sleep mumma, sleeps for weeners. 

No one tells u the shit stuff of being a new parent, or for that matter no one tells u the shit stuff after u actually have  a baby. So here’s my list of shit I wish someone would have said to me prior to  becoming a mumma. 

1. When your contractions start it’s not a definite thing, u don’t just know your in labour. And your water doesn’t generally go in a epic flood gates kind of way.  Labour is slow and boring and painful.  I had 100 hours of contractions ending in a emergency c section. 
2. After pains hurt like a mother fucker. I had no idea about them at all.  But shit the bed those bastards hurt. Be prepared.
3. Even if u have a c section you will still bleed a shit tonne afterwards, I knew about this but thought it would “like a heavy period”  as said by my midwife. Well I’m sorry Jackie but you talk absolute bollocks.
4. Newborns do not need outfits. They shit on them. And sick on them. Or as mvp favoured, they wait for the 0.63of a second when there isn’t a Nappy under them and they wee all over themselves ending in a complete wash and change. Which is super mega fun in the middle of the night.
5. Breastfed babies shit a lot. Like a serious amount. Mvp once made Ben change 4 poo nappies in an hour, just for shits and giggles.
6. Write down what people buy you because your brain will never work again and you will forget.
7. Don’t bother using cotton wool to try and clean baby poo. It just sticks to it and u end up with what looks like shit covered candy floss all over your hands.
8. Grandparents think they know everything. They don’t.
9. The second you start weaning your baby the grandparents will ask “can she have some chocolate cake”  this is guaranteed.

I could go on and on but that’s enough for today.  Here’s a little pic of my munchkin, she is the cheekiest little sausage ever, she’s gonna be naughty I just know it but I can’t say no to that  face.

Right I’m off til next time, smell u later xx


First weigh in was…..

21 Oct


Lost 2 and a half pounds. Super pleased.

Everyone at group was awesome, before when I went no one spoke to me and seemed really unfriendly, think the fact I Have miicah with me makes people want to talk. Everyone loves a baby. Set a goal of another 2 lbs next week, think that’s doable. Today wasn’t my best slimming world day, miicah was mega grumpy after we left group, only finishing half her feed then generally being an angry little panda, crying and grumbling and wanting to be held. I have an app called wonder weeks which shows developmental leaps all babies go thru in the first year, giving u an idea of when they are likely to be irritable due to learning new things, miicah is in the middle of her first leap which involves her being able to focus on more things and react to sounds etc. Such a big change upsets them while they get used to it. So she was grumpy and I didn’t get to eat until 4pm. I made myself a smash pizza which is mega naughty Coz it’s a cheat using smash as a pizza Base. Then lidl made me eat Christmas chocolate. Stupid lidl. Oh well tomoro is another day and I will be back on plan 100%. I stocked up on hifi light bars and bought myself a new food directory. Tomoros menu is as follows

B –  muller light, Apple, grapes and a kiwi (if ripe)
L –  cous cous, peas, runners, chicken, feta (hexa)
D – ham, egg and chips with salad and fruit for pudding.
Snacks –  2 x hifi light (hexb) muller light, maybe some haribo and mikado.

Gonna use some syns for a glaze on the ham I think but not sure what yet.

Right miicah has finally fell asleep for the first time since this morning so I’m off to Bedfordshire

Smell u later xx


20 Oct

Well miicah is 6 weeks old today. I can’t believe how quick it’s gone. Doesn’t seem like 5 mins since she was pulled out the sunroof. Since my last post we have both got better, miicah is no longer jaundice and is gaining weight well, she was weighed today and is 10lb  1oz so has nearly gained 3lb since birth. I however have lost all my baby weight, I gained 1 stone 8lb during pregnancy, 2 weeks post I was 1 stone 6lbs lighter, 5 weeks post I have was 1stone 9lbs lighter.  Now I just have to lose the 2 stone 9lbs to get down to my ideal weight. To do this I have rejoined slimming world….. Again. 

I went last Tuesday to the 9.30am group, the consultant, mandy was really nice and lots of the other members were really friendly. I took miicah, (obviously) and when it came to be being weighed a lovely lady came over and offered to hold her while I weighed in. Then about 5 other people asked for cuddles which was nice.  So all week I have been 100% on plan.  Weigh in is tomoro morning, I’m really nervous. I’m not sure why because I have been so good.  I’m worried incase I haven’t lost any, I don’t want to get down and eat lots of crap in the aftermath. I will post again tomoro after weigh in, wish me luck

Smell u later xxx


28 Sep

Miicah violet arrived on the 8th September 2014 at 3.54am via emergency c section after 100 hours of labour!!!!!


So…. Labour sucks massive balls. I call bullshit on anyone who says it was a magical experience and even more so on those who enjoyed it. No seriously congratulations anyone who enjoys labour, I wish I was one of them.

So here is the birth story…….

On Wednesday the 3rd September I went to my friend kealys house for coffee and cake and baby cuddles with her and her friend Amy and my friend Lauren who is also pregnant. While sat drinking decaf coffee and eating donuts I started getting what I assumed were braxton hicks. However upon leaving her house I walked home and they carried on coming despite me moving. I got on my ball and started timing. Every ten mins. Not painful but definitely uncomfortable. By 7pm they were every 7 mins and I called Ben home and we went to get checked out. Told only 1cm and to go home. Carried on all night between 5 and 7 mins apart, I sat in my nursing chair all night rocking and reading birth forums. Things carried on Thurs with much of the same and into Friday. Friday they were painful and I was struggling to talk properly thru them so we broke out the tens machine which was a god send. So amazing.  I sat and bounced on my ball all day listening to hip hop (Tupac helped) until it got too much and we went back to hospital, told 2cm and that I was in slow Labour and to go home. So I decided I wasn’t going to do anything to encourage the contractions coz I was so tired from being awake for 3 days. However Saturday came and the contractions got closer and more painful. By the night I was in agony, we went to labour and delivery at about 1am sat night/sun morning and was finally admitted. They popped me on a trace and could see the contractions were coming thick and fast every 4 ish mins so they gave me gas and air which is amazing. I wanted to get one for the house coz it was so lovely. However by 8am I was knackered and no further dilated and they wanted me to relax so they offered pethidine, I had previously said I wouldn’t have it because people I know have had horrible experience on it. However the midwife said it wouldn’t effect the baby coz it would wear off within 4 hours and I was no where near that close to giving birth so I accepted. It didn’t make me sick or nauseated or spaced out, I felt it just relaxed me so I could actually rest a little between contractions. By the time the pethidine wore off the contractions were mega painful and they checked me again and I was still only 2cm.so I sucked on my gas and air for what felt like a week until 4.50pm when they checked me again and I was 3cm. I asked for an epidural, was told they would break my waters and then pop a canula in and then do epidural. That all happened, I swore when the midwife put the canula in coz I hate needles but didn’t swear anymore. The epidural took 3 goes to get in coz he kept hitting nerves in my back that made my legs feel like they were being electrified. However once it was in it was brilliant.  Fair play to any woman who goes thru labour with no pain relief, I wanted to be one of u but it turns out after nearly 5 days of Labour I just wanted all the drugs. And I took all the drugs. My epidural was a mobile one which was mega weird, not feeling ur belly but being able to walk is very odd. By 10pm I was checked again and I was 10cm. FINALLY!!!!! however the midwife said they would leave me an hour to see if the last little bit of cervix would move,  11pm it hadn’t so they said leave it another hour. 12.30am Monday morning I got the go ahead to push. I pushed for an hour and nothing happened, apart from my epidural wore off and I could feel everything.

The doctor was called and they noticed some “suspicious” things on the babies trace and he said I could push for an hour but then they would intervene. He said the magic words that made me lose my shit (not literally). FORCEPS!!!!  for no good reason whatsoever I have a stupid irrational fear of forceps and suction cup births. I couldn’t push and I couldn’t breathe properly thru crying and panicking. Ben was completely aware of my fear and we tried to explain to Libby my midwife and she said that the only other option was a c section but they would prefer not to, she said she would argue my case with the surgeon. Turns out she didn’t need to coz he was amazing. He came in and said ok that’s fine. They then saw more suspicious things on the babies trace and everything started to happen really fast, I was topped up with epidural, Ben was given scrubs and we were rushed into surgery. There were so many people, I was popped on the bed, a screen was put up, they tested where I could feel to and from and we were off. After a couple of mins the surgeon shouted he need a 3rd person, we later found out that it was because baby had pooped inside and they hadn’t know coz she was so low her head had blocked it coming out so it got really busy.  I couldn’t feel anything as such but was very aware of tugging, quite violent tugging, the table was rocking. After what seemed like an hour she was out. However everyone was very quiet and there was no crying. I kept asking is she OK is she OK, I couldn’t turn to see her but I could see Ben getting paler and paler. I asked if she was dead. No one spoke to us. Finally we heard the best sound in the world…. She cried. It felt like a week waiting for that cry but in actual fact was only about 2 minutes, Ben was allowed to see her while they sewed me up then he bought her over for a cuddle.

Since then we have been back in hospital for miicah because she was losing weight and was jaundice, these r both fixed now. And also again a week later because my c section got infected and my scar opened and a pint of pus came out and ruined our bed on bens 30th birthday, we stayed in for 3 days, iv of lots of antibiotics, I discharged myself last Friday and have had a week of oral antibiotics and finally feel a bit better. I’m slightly worried my scar is becoming infected again coz I am doing too much, I have a consultant appt on Tues so hopefully he will say it’s OK.

Miicah is 3 weeks old tomoro and is amazing. She is such a good baby, and as far as I’m concerned was worth the 100 hour labour, I would do it again in a heartbeat.


Since having her I have lost 1 stone 6lbs, I only gained 1 stone 8lbs the whole pregnancy so I’m very nearly at pre preggos weight. I’ll be rejoining slimming world as soon as I get the all clear from my consultant and will get back to blogging about being a greedy bitch.

Sorry this was mega long. Smell u later xxxxx

38 weeks (not that I’m counting)

1 Sep

So it’s official. I am pissed off of being pregnant. Before everyone has a go at me…. I know this is an amazing time and millions of ladies who can’t have babies of their own would love to be pregnant, I know it’s a little miracle but I am fed up. Fed up of needing wee every 8 minutes, fed up of being starving hungry all time, but most of all I am pissed off of being sick every single day.  For the last month I have been physically sick at least once a day, up to ten times a day. It was just heartburn that was making me sick but the last few days it’s turned to full blown nausea continually that comes with full on sick at random times, no pattern to what I am eating or doing, just lots and lots of sick. This morning I woke at 6am (and 1,2 3 and half 4), coughed and threw up red hot bile into my mouth. Luckily I made to to the bathroom so poor old Ben didn’t get covered in it. Then spent half an hour throwing up bright yellow bile. This is my least favourite, if u can have a favourite kind of sick. I can just about cope with throwing up food but bile is horrific.  Any of u ladies who have had morning sickness from start to finish are hero’s. I had it from 5 weeks to 13 but then luckily had a break until about 34-35 weeks. But enough is enough. Baby girl is cooked. I want her out now so I am starting operation eviction. Bouncing on my ball, walking lots and raspberry leaf tea, I know none of these work unless she is ready to come but I need to be proactive otherwise I will end up killing someone.  This is today belly shot, I feel ginormous.


Every movement she does now is really sore, her little bum is in my ribs and it’s hurts. (I say little bum, if she is anything like me then it will be massive, granny says my arse is huge)

It’s also transfer deadline day today. This makes me cross too coz I know arsenal won’t sign a striker even thou we need one. And a defensive midfielder and a cover centre back.  I’m watching it on sky sports news, even though it just makes me an angry fat panda. Right I’m off to puke.

Smell u later xxx